Scared of Beautiful  -Anxiety is hoping no one notices-

I can always smell the sweet aroma of sweat 

as beads make their way into my eyes 

burning 

as I force myself to say “thank you” 

                      compliments make me nervous 

I can't help but to think that my secrets are telling on themselves 

I worry 

even when I'm not trying to; I worry 

because I know they can hear the sound of my heart beating inside of my chest 

loudly 

but not louder than my thoughts 

when they scream 

I can't think 

I tend to loose my thoughts 

so it takes me awhile to say “thank you” 

                     compliments make me irritable 

I can't help but to think that in some sick, twisted way they are being sarcastic 

I can't catch my breath 

even when I try; I can’t 

because I know they can smell the stench of my decomposing soul 

reeking 

but it seems that the scent of death is never harsh enough to silence their praise 

I am far from being beautiful 

just plain ole' ordinary 

So I think 

So I smile to keep from having to say “thank you” 

                     compliments make me nauseas 

I can't help but to think that they are doing this on purpose 

I start to asphyxiate 

even when I want to believe them, I can’t 

I mean I won’t 

because I know they want me to desperately depend on their approval 

I choke 

but only to avoid lies from being shoved down my throat 

I have plenty 

I'm fine with being ugly 

I am completely over the thought of being beautiful 

                        compliments make me scared 

I can't help but to think that beauty is a curse 

I am afraid 

even when there is nothing to be afraid of, I am 

because I know that too much attention will eventually expose my feelings of worthlessness 

My issues 

My pain 

My past 

And ain't no beauty in that 

So please, no more compliments please and “thank you” 

Anthology Submission 

Ugly Shadows: The darkness that haunts me 

TeiannaReAL @2016

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