I can always smell the sweet aroma of sweat
as beads make their way into my eyes
burning
as I force myself to say “thank you”
compliments make me nervous
I can't help but to think that my secrets are telling on themselves
I worry
even when I'm not trying to; I worry
because I know they can hear the sound of my heart beating inside of my chest
loudly
but not louder than my thoughts
when they scream
I can't think
I tend to loose my thoughts
so it takes me awhile to say “thank you”
compliments make me irritable
I can't help but to think that in some sick, twisted way they are being sarcastic
I can't catch my breath
even when I try; I can’t
because I know they can smell the stench of my decomposing soul
reeking
but it seems that the scent of death is never harsh enough to silence their praise
I am far from being beautiful
just plain ole' ordinary
So I think
So I smile to keep from having to say “thank you”
compliments make me nauseas
I can't help but to think that they are doing this on purpose
I start to asphyxiate
even when I want to believe them, I can’t
I mean I won’t
because I know they want me to desperately depend on their approval
I choke
but only to avoid lies from being shoved down my throat
I have plenty
I'm fine with being ugly
I am completely over the thought of being beautiful
compliments make me scared
I can't help but to think that beauty is a curse
I am afraid
even when there is nothing to be afraid of, I am
because I know that too much attention will eventually expose my feelings of worthlessness
My issues
My pain
My past
And ain't no beauty in that
So please, no more compliments please and “thank you”
Anthology Submission
Ugly Shadows: The darkness that haunts me
TeiannaReAL @2016